For my boys. (Let me tell you something about me and your mom.)


I wrote this in late 2015 or early 2016 just before my second son was born, when my wife and I were going through a really hard time in our marriage. My son saw us argue quite a bit and I wanted to make sure they knew it wasn’t ever their fault. I really thought we’d be leaving each other at this point and I wanted my boys to know they were the most important thing in our lives and nothing was ever going to eclipse that. This was before we had our daughter.


Let me tell you something about me and your mom…

Sometimes things get complicated but that doesn’t mean that two people in love can’t make it. Sometimes you might see something different in our eyes but I can promise you that’s just a disguise, because behind it all we still need to say it -I love you.

Those words that aren’t so easy to say but at the end of the day they make everything ok and seem to make a display of the life that we made. Your mother and I have had good times but to understand good, bad has to enter our minds.  What good is being good if you don’t have a choice? What I’m trying to say, is that even when I raise my voice I know that given a choice I’d still be right here. Nothing has ever been as great as the day or the night or the week or the month that your mother and I got together to create, you.

I know you’ve seen tears and you’re ears have heard more than they should but I love you boys and that means everything can end up good. Your mother and I found each other so young and we made so many promises and sometimes they come, then sometimes they don’t, and that builds resentment and fear and creates mistrust but at the end of the year, it’s good.

At the end of the night or the end of a fight or when we aren’t feeling so light and our mouths struggle to hide the way we think we feel in order to hurt each other, and make our skin peel off every layer of armor we used on each other, it’s still good my boys. It’s still good.

You’ve kept us going and you’ve kept us knowing and showing and glowing with love because we have you and at the end of our lives,it’s good. I know when you’re afraid and you think that we’ve made, the biggest mistake, and the word “stay” keeps you running away, it’s good boys, it’s good.

Because you’ve made it all worth while and that’s why I can look at you both and smile for the longest while, because “it’s good” could never be enough to tell everyone the way you’ve made me give in to you. The way you’ve made me begin for you. The way you’ve made me shed my skin for you. The way I’ve sinned for you. And how I’d do it all over again for you.

And at the end I just look at you and I know it good.

So don’t worry boys, we aren’t your blueprint, we’re just an experience to learn from. You’re better than us. You’re the best we’ve ever met. Don’t ever forget, in the end, it’s good.

Love,

Dad

-I love you boys and my beautiful little girl. And especially my wife who I wouldn’t have made it without and I’m glad we chose each other.

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